August 2008

Elisa Cuthbert, unlike her compatriot from yesterday, seems to be doing about as well as you could ask for. I’m not the biggest fan of blondes but this woman has class written all over her, even if she is getting half naked in a magazine like Maxim. You take what you can get right? Hopefully as the years go on she won’t be forced into Tara Reid’s crackland, but as for now she’s rolling out just fine. Those are really some nice pants she has on there, who made those pants? I like the ‘Since this is Maxim, I should apologize that there isn’t a sex tape” quote. That’s something.

Tara Reid’s seen better days that’s for sure since she hit the scene big in her American Pie roles… you know, before the other kind of rolls started to pile on and she paid some doctor with a hatchet to ruin her stomach and make it look like she’d been in some kind of ridiculous stunt. Anyway, at least some of that excess has gone to a place that she can make work, as here she seems to be spilling so far out of her junk that she’s going to rip the fabric pretty soon. Not exactly the best look for her, but still, there she is. And that’s something. Who made that bikini top though? Maybe it would look right if it fit?

Paris Hilton getting reamed in the ass and sucking dick and then smiling calmly into the camera as if she were on just another photo shoot… next she’ll be doing ads for creamed corn in her overalls with her pierced labia hanging out. Does she have pierced labia? Probably not, she seems like she’s more the kind who’d turn away from that. If you look close though, in these pictures, can you see the hunk of metal hanging from her pussy? Nah me neither, but it’s right there in her lips. It’s the button your press to eject her head. That’s not very nice. Paris Hilton is probably a fine and nice person to have butter and coffee with, though watch where she puts her mouth.

That’s a little bit better I think, maybe this is before you got to the point it seemed like everything was slipping. I wonder if when you were younger you used to go on dad’s computer and use the webcam to upload photos yourself in bra and panties to servers where hairy old men would find you and touch themselves. The Dukes of Hazard DVD, there are probably people all across the country who watch that with the sound all the way down getting dirty. Is that movie still out on DVD or was it recalled? You should sell ad space on your forehead to some people, they’d probably pay a pretty good amount, I wonder if Nick LaChey ever looks at himself in the mirror and cries?

Nice big pink shirt Jessica Simpson, I know it’s hard to remember where your nipples are when you can’t even feels your tits anymore. Where have you been anyway? I don’t remember the last time I saw you on anything but those tabloid papers and stuff, surely your agent must be working on something, or maybe the sex tape is in the mail. Seems like we’ve reached that juncture. It’s probably time. I wonder if your dad is standing in a small room somewhere sweating over the money he’s losing every second that tape isn’t on the market yet. I can’t stand to see your father in all this pain, can we get to work already, there is plenty of other time to flash the paparazzi.

Ah, sisters. Spending time together, hanging out, laughing about boys, getting older, learning to enjoy the junk life throws at you in the company of the one you grew up with, who knows you better than anyone ever will, taking half naked photos together for thousands of dollars, getting popular on the internet so guys can stare at your half naked tits and cleavage while half trying to forget about your child star days and half loving the fact that you are slowly turning into young sluts. Yeah, it’s all about the fam. One day they’ll look back at these shots together and say, You know, you really were the one with the good tits. No, you were! No, you!

Looks like Ashley Olsen of the Olsen twins is quick on here way to become the more sleazy of the two, here posing in a wet white t-shirt in her panties. Which one of the Olsens will succumb to the porn industry first and get caught with her panties down and some rich dude giving it to her first? It’s a race for the ages. Despite how old and glitzy these girls get, I still can’t get over them as little kids on Full House, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to drop that, and though probably that’s a big part of the turn on for most their fans. Let’s not go there.

Man, is she wasted. She can’t even quite walk without her half naked home girl pulling up the rear? That’s okay, at least she found this mesh lace bodice thing to keep her from getting frostbite, or from going into delirium tremens. The alcohol will continue to spurt through her system, and squirters.net will have a ball filming the transom while she hobbles from one end of the room to the other, hardly aware that her pussy is on fire and filmed by 50,000 cams all at once. I mean, you could ask for worse? She could have a goiter? Poor Britney Spears.

It’s gotten so bad that Paris Hilton can’t seem to walk in front of a camera without wanting to touch herself. She passes a strobing light sometimes when her coffee maker goes off with the flashing LCD and she just can’t stop herself from ripping her clothes off, wadding up her panties, and going to town with two fingers rubbing at her pussy. Pavlov has nothing on Ms. Hilton, and that’s okay enough if we have to look at her, she might as well be doing what she likes. This too on a runway, man she has some attitude. I guess I would too in that spot.

Her bra fell off while she was standing in the sunset? I want to be a guy who is paid to set up and design these photo shoots, standing around telling half naked college girls which way to bend. I want to bring in some backgrounds of like pandas chewing cud or babies lifting barbells, and have Michelle Tractenberg lean over and let her bra fall off with her pants half pulled down to show her panties so we can get some real work done. I mean, yeah, the fake sunset is erotic and all but I think we can take this thing to a whole new level. How about her kneeling before a can of beans?