July 2008

Another in the line of post child stars gone into the business of getting naked to continue their attention. Tiffany’s probably done slightly better than a lot of her compatriots in keeping in life after her years after Kelly on Saved By the Bell, but still she’s hurting beyond her simple array of easy TV performances. It’s no Showgirls that’s for sure. They should make a new Showgirls and put all of Saved by the Bell cast in it, you know they’d all be game, and then Kelly could use her tits for something more than what she’s got. Is that mean to say?

More Katie Holmes goodness back from some film where she got naked: making the movie worth seeing in and of itself even if nothing happened but a watermelon in a room for hours and then Katie walks in and takes her top off. I’d watch the whole movie probably. I don’t know where Katie disappeared to after Batman and Tom Cruise debacles, it seems like she’s hiding waiting for her faux martial contract to expire so she can go back to be a normal person. But likely he’s got all kinds of extra clauses in there and we will never see the true Kate again, which is unfortunate.

Oh, Monica Bellucci, you are indeed the master. I don’t know who made this woman, but they used a different form processor than most any other to build this one. Monica’s been inside the heads for years in almost any man who has seen her live on screen, even the brutal rape scene of IRREVERSIBLE was hard not to stare at her during, as jarring as it was. She even made the Matrix seem a little okay? Vincent Cassell is the world’s luckiest man, I will give him that, even though he has to look at his wife in that scene and deal with it. I could manage, I think. Yeah.

I’m not quite sure how a tit of this size falls out and its owner doesn’t even really seem to notice? Has she lost all feeling in her chest? I guess its possible one could go numb from the weight after a while? Or maybe this is a publicity stunt: Sophie Marceau isn’t exactly at the helm of the world’s cameras these days, though flashing a nip even as big as that one can still bring the photographers lenses around for another round. I’m in favor of more people using this diversionary tactic, yes. One boob in, one boob out productions.

She’s not my favorite gal in the world, as I tend towards something other than blonde and ditsy, but it’s pretty hard to deny that Jessica Simpson’s got a body most people would kill for. This top was clearly designed to land her in nude celebrity photos blogger world, as I don’t think it could hang with someone whose tits are even half the weight of Ms. Simpson’s. What are those, 10 pounds each? I have no idea what a normal breast weighs, but that might be worth looking into. I’ll see if I can get Jessica’s people on the phone and get her to the weigh in station stat.

It’s kind of hard for me to fathom that Kelly Monaco is only a few years older than me. It’s always strange to connect your mind to that kind of data, and the fact that most current Playboy centerfold spreads are fresh out of high school or still in college, it’s enough to make your head spin. Kelly got into Playboy by sending them her photo and ended up turning it into a decent acting career, at least in some minds, including stints on Baywatch, General Hospital, Hard Copy and so on. Another career launched off some nude photos, but nice photos they are: they don’t quite make them like Kelly Monaco anymore. Kelly’s even been nominated for a daytime emmy. I guess you could do worse than that?

Sheryl Crow will end out our set of older celebs who have kept it in them to stay hot over the years and no matter how old they get they seem to keep it going. Sheryl Crow, yeah, her music is enough to make me want to never have to see the face connected, and in normal circumstances I wouldn’t allow myself to pay homage to a country artist, but Sheryl for her age is about as in shape as you could want. This shot is from her younger years and it’s surprising to see that she hasn’t changed too much: in fact she might have gotten even hotter with more time on the road. Just give me a mute button or a gag or something and we can make this work, Sheryl.

It’s strange when famous porn stars like Jenna Jameson and Jamie Pressly manage to turn their careers of fucking on film into semi-lucrative media careers. Jamie is still around for a reason most likely, and for reasons beyond the fact that she seems to have slept with every major rock star in the industry in addition to all the porn dick she takes down for the paycheck. She’s definitely got a leg up on the billions of nasty weird porn stars that are littered across the web, and so probably for a reason that she will continue to be seen spreading her legs online and wherever else until she’s too old to do so. And maybe even beyond: granny porn? Yikes.

Madonna’s Sex book is obviously one of the great classics in the world of celebrity nude porn publications. If you’re like I am, you probably remember when this came out and everyone would not shut up about it. I remember not even liking Madonna (her music obviously, but also not finding her that hot) and then seeing the Sex book at a friend’s house and all of us completely in awe. Like Kidman, the older Madonna gets the more she tends to show she is one of those few who can’t seem to get unhot. Of course, with billions to spend on trainers and chefs, it’s probably pretty easy, but still, worthy of a nod.

Nicole Kidman will never get old. She will spent the rest of her life looking like a hot senior in college ready to destroy the newest crop of fratboys’ minds with one of the most perfect bodies of all time. You really can’t beat Eyes Wide Shut Kidman even with the youngest, hottest, most silicone enhanced young ladies online anywhere. Kidman is one that just won’t ever get old, especially with that accent. Plus we know that she’d got half a brain from having dumped ol Tommy boy Cruise to the curb for being a freak. You’ll never need to curb your bets on Kidman, she is like an oil painting or something, yeah dude, an oil painting, how you like them apples? Nicole really is perfect.